Lydia 
Lydia is simply not your average 19 year old woman. She has a reserved nature
which never threatens to become stale or unfriendly. Whenever I meet her I am struck by the
calmness she exudes, and the effect such a relaxed self-confidence has on the others around her.
Nervous flutters flit away when she is near, and people quiet down in order to take in her own soft
speech. Her dress is always conservative, as she favors the practical over the frivolous. She
usually wears sneakers with a pastel colored t-shirt and pair of longer, khaki shorts. Her light
black hair is just beyond shoulder length, and avoids straightness by a narrow curve. She also
wears a pair of almond-shaped wire-rimmed glasses, the lenses of which are frequently cloudy.
Lydia has just completed her first year at Sichuan University where she is studying international trade. In this respect she resembles closely her fellow classmates here at their summer-time English training school. However, though Lydia doesn't particularly strike me as the business oriented type of person, her English is advanced as she has a natural ability with language and loves to read, in both Chinese and English.
As she studies in her hometown, she lives at home with her parents. She had an opportunity to live in the university dormitory, and though most of her classmates chose to do so, she declined. She enjoys living at home because she is fond of spending her free time with her parents, especially her mother. She also told me that her family home is infinitely more comfortable than any over-crowded dormitory, and as her mother and grandmother are teaching her to cook, it is essential that she has regular access to both of them, and to a kitchen. Apparently she has learned how to cook a number of dishes, her favorite of which is 回锅肉.
Most summer evenings and weekends find Lydia at home with her family. They were following "Happy Boy", which is the Chinese reality singing competition based on "American Idol". The show is a national phenomenon here, with fans spending all their pocket money to place multiple phone-in-votes which cost 1元 each. A few times over the summer Lydia and her family have received visits from aunts, uncles and cousins. Each of these visits is met with much anticipation and leaves Lydia beaming for days.
A few weeks ago during a lesson, my students and I stumbled on to the topic of marriage. We were practicing giving our opinion about things we would change in our lives, and Lydia chose marriage as something she thought could possibly be changed for the better. She stated her opinion briefly and concisely, but it was quickly met by opposition. Lydia told the class she felt that marriage licenses and traditional marriage ceremonies and practices were unnecessary and ultimately quite hollow. While she agreed that wedding celebrations could be a fun and exciting time for family and friends to gather, she said that she thought a piece of paper provided by the government and signed by the bride and groom was essentially meaningless without the appropriate, true feelings behind it. And, she went on to argue, that if one's feelings of love and trust were genuine, a piece of paper or permission from the government was superfluous to the union.
All of Lydia's arguments were both on point and familiar to me (I have engaged in similar discussions back home on numerous occasions.) However, it was the first time I have heard such thoughts voiced aloud by a young woman here in China. True, I do not often talk about love and marriage with my students, but in the few times that I have entered into such a conversation most participants are completely unconcerned with discussing the bureaucratic reality of the marriage license. Many women look upon legal marriage as an absolutely essential step of adulthood and believe in the security it can offer. Though, while they may not discuss the particular realities involved in legal marriage sanctioned by the government, they are certainly not going to marry without going through the proper channels.
While marriage practices have changed greatly in the past few decades in China,many sons and daughters still choose to marry brides and grooms of whom their family approves. However, where traditionally the services of a matchmaker were required to facilitate introductions between men and women and their families, today they have become far less common. Young people socialize more freely and choose to date those with whom they share common interests and a common attraction. However, many children are still quite sensitive to the desires of their parents, and are acutely receptive when it comes to parental advice.
Lydia's comments reflected her veneration not for marriage but for love. In a world where so many focus on the accumulation of material wealth, discussions of marriage in any country often omit love altogether. People get married for whole hosts of reasons: to start a family, to please their parents, to meet social norms and even to save money on taxes. Lydia's thoughts were refreshingly centered when compared to the chaotic scrambling that often accompanies contemporary relationships. It was inspiring to hear her speak of love and romance as things which are not only alive, but also powerful. And even more so, to watch her stand firmly behind her argument, though the other women in the class scoffed jokingly at her naïveté.
Lydia has just completed her first year at Sichuan University where she is studying international trade. In this respect she resembles closely her fellow classmates here at their summer-time English training school. However, though Lydia doesn't particularly strike me as the business oriented type of person, her English is advanced as she has a natural ability with language and loves to read, in both Chinese and English.
As she studies in her hometown, she lives at home with her parents. She had an opportunity to live in the university dormitory, and though most of her classmates chose to do so, she declined. She enjoys living at home because she is fond of spending her free time with her parents, especially her mother. She also told me that her family home is infinitely more comfortable than any over-crowded dormitory, and as her mother and grandmother are teaching her to cook, it is essential that she has regular access to both of them, and to a kitchen. Apparently she has learned how to cook a number of dishes, her favorite of which is 回锅肉.
Most summer evenings and weekends find Lydia at home with her family. They were following "Happy Boy", which is the Chinese reality singing competition based on "American Idol". The show is a national phenomenon here, with fans spending all their pocket money to place multiple phone-in-votes which cost 1元 each. A few times over the summer Lydia and her family have received visits from aunts, uncles and cousins. Each of these visits is met with much anticipation and leaves Lydia beaming for days.
A few weeks ago during a lesson, my students and I stumbled on to the topic of marriage. We were practicing giving our opinion about things we would change in our lives, and Lydia chose marriage as something she thought could possibly be changed for the better. She stated her opinion briefly and concisely, but it was quickly met by opposition. Lydia told the class she felt that marriage licenses and traditional marriage ceremonies and practices were unnecessary and ultimately quite hollow. While she agreed that wedding celebrations could be a fun and exciting time for family and friends to gather, she said that she thought a piece of paper provided by the government and signed by the bride and groom was essentially meaningless without the appropriate, true feelings behind it. And, she went on to argue, that if one's feelings of love and trust were genuine, a piece of paper or permission from the government was superfluous to the union.
All of Lydia's arguments were both on point and familiar to me (I have engaged in similar discussions back home on numerous occasions.) However, it was the first time I have heard such thoughts voiced aloud by a young woman here in China. True, I do not often talk about love and marriage with my students, but in the few times that I have entered into such a conversation most participants are completely unconcerned with discussing the bureaucratic reality of the marriage license. Many women look upon legal marriage as an absolutely essential step of adulthood and believe in the security it can offer. Though, while they may not discuss the particular realities involved in legal marriage sanctioned by the government, they are certainly not going to marry without going through the proper channels.
While marriage practices have changed greatly in the past few decades in China,many sons and daughters still choose to marry brides and grooms of whom their family approves. However, where traditionally the services of a matchmaker were required to facilitate introductions between men and women and their families, today they have become far less common. Young people socialize more freely and choose to date those with whom they share common interests and a common attraction. However, many children are still quite sensitive to the desires of their parents, and are acutely receptive when it comes to parental advice.
Lydia's comments reflected her veneration not for marriage but for love. In a world where so many focus on the accumulation of material wealth, discussions of marriage in any country often omit love altogether. People get married for whole hosts of reasons: to start a family, to please their parents, to meet social norms and even to save money on taxes. Lydia's thoughts were refreshingly centered when compared to the chaotic scrambling that often accompanies contemporary relationships. It was inspiring to hear her speak of love and romance as things which are not only alive, but also powerful. And even more so, to watch her stand firmly behind her argument, though the other women in the class scoffed jokingly at her naïveté.
About Me
I
'm
Julia Maher, and I have been living off and on in
China since the late summer of 2001. I have spent my time here both studying Chinese and teaching
English, sometimes simultaneously, and others not. Most of my time has been spent living in Jiangsu
province, but I have just recently moved to Chengdu hoping to experience life out west.
My Articles